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Sloth of the Titan

April 1, 2012

I recently moved to southern California from the dreary dismal hell that is northwest Washington state, and I figured my energy levels would be through the roof, what with the sunny sunshine and all. This hasn’t been the case for the last week though as I have been what scientists call, “lazy as fuck.”

There is no real accounting for what is causing the laziness in the Titan known only as Andy, other than boredom. I feel I am the only one capable of being bored in SoCal. I blame the gas prices and limited amount of cash, but who knows just how much of that is actually responsible. A more likely reason would be that I am lazy and introverted. Actually, it’s probably all-of-the-above.

It is my hope that I will eventually fully transition from the morose and brooding nature of the average Washingtonian into the fun-loving energetic California stereotype. Maybe I will get fake boobs as well.

No, that’s just gross, me being a dude and all.

You might be asking, “What do you mean by average Washingtonian?” Good question hypothetical reader! See, Washington state boasts the highest depression and suicide rate in the nation, mostly due to consistently grey, cloudy and, oh dear God, rainy weather. It’s cold and wet and fuck you.

So I moved to Los Angeles for the awesome sun and the aforementioned (and gender correct) fake tits, as these things are clinically proven to boost anyone’s nature from “Life is a Shit Burrito” to “Life is a Delicious Shit Burrito, Hooray!” levels.

It’s true; ask your doctor or gynecologist.

Suffice to say, this new outlook has not happened yet, but rest assured it will soon. Maybe then I won’t be so unbelievably lazy.

AJ McGuire is sleeping now. Leave him alone.

UPDATE: 1/2/13 –  A new year is upon us and we all survived the Mayan apocalypse. So there I was, in my underground fallout shelter with that last Twinkies on the planet (R.I.P) and I thought I should update this blog entry to reflect my latest outlook on things. As predicted, I am no longer as lazy as I was back then. Mostly. I mean, I still take 5 hour naps twice a day, but now I do it with purpose.


From → Humor

One Comment
  1. I think it will get better now that you have a job bro.

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