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“Angel’s Grace” copyright

This summary is meant to serve as copyright for the following story. The publication date shown will serve as legal representation of copyright.

Angel’s Grace
A comic book story of an angel who has grown tired of merely observing mankind’s debauchery and finds a way to participate without losing his essence, his “grace” and becoming a demon. You see, that’s the purpose of angels- to observe and report, nothing more, but sometimes an angel will give in to the pleasures that mankind so loves to indulge in and their grace will then be put into contact with sin. The reaction of such contact results in the creation of a demon that was once an angel. But our story’s angel has found a loophole; he found a way to extract his grace, keeping in a special box, far from the taint of sin, while he does all the earthly delights he pleases. He then reabsorbs his grace and none is the wiser.
One day, our main hero, a thief, breaks into the hotel room where the angel and a prostitute are doing their thing, and steals cash, a watch, and a mysterious box that looks valuable. He eventually opens the box and the grace is absorbed into his flesh, creating a human angel. The grace, being an angel’s source of power, grants the thief many new abilities, such as teleportation, telekinesis, healing powers, and the ability to “steal” someone’s pain and suffering away from them, giving them peace and hope.
The rogue angel however, is not happy. He is slowly turning into a demon without his grace and will then be swallowed by hell and will have to serve hell’s kings. He is on a villainous and desperate crusade to find the thief and kill him to steal back his grace, but the thief, imbued not only with power but with purpose, will fight to keep his gift and help humanity, making him the true angel.

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The Left Side: A novel

This publication will serve as a copyright notice for the following story:

“The Left Side, by Andy McGuire, is the story of a young woman named Pamela Flowers who is a smart, talented woman with a good heart and a kind soul. She writes and performs her own songs in hopes of making it big, she is close with her best friend, a gay goofball young man named Thomas, she loves her dog, Riddle and her father, Martin with all her heart.
But she has a dark secret- for most of her childhood she suffered horrific abuse at the hands of her drug addict mother, Ana. Pamela believes she has put the past behind her, shoving it deep down into her subconscious, but it soon becomes apparent that she is very wrong. A split personality, dubbing itself, the Left Side, has begun to slowly emerge. As Pamela’s scarring memories resurface, the Left Side grows stronger and begins to destroy her life, all in preparation for the final act: revenge.”

I intend to write this as a novel, followed by a screenplay for a film which I will direct.

Andy McGuire’s COPYWRIGHTED Sketch Ideas

I am putting my ideas onto this blog entry so that they may serve as a record of being ideas that belong to Andy J McGuire and are therefore his to use as he sees fit.

1) Monster Meds- a series of skits that parody medicine ads. They offer meds for monster afflictions such as lycanthropy, vampirism, etc.

2) Unlikely Olympic Events- Olympic events you’re unlikely to ever see, such as Synchronized Slappy Fights, Shockboxing, Team Circle Jerking, etc

3) unlikely jobs for gays and lesbians- These are jobs that flamboyant homosexuals would not really want to do, i.e. sewer worker, mad scientist, secret agent, Mortician, lumberjack

4) A series of office meetings for wildly crazy situations like a loose chupacabra, demonic possessions, zombie outbreak, poltergeist hauntings, etc

5) Slasher Social Club- Famous movie psychos gather at a diner once a month to discuss killing, cannibalism, etc.

6) Lip Syncing Viral Fame Whore- A guy in drag lips syncs a pop song to his webcam but it’s revealed that it’s actually a large production where the guy’s agent assures him that this is the way to get famous these days.

7) A terminator is sent from the future to destroy our internet memes and viral video stars, claiming they will become self-aware and destroy mankind

8) Billionaire Bill Gates is Batman

9) Academy for Henchman- where men go to train to be evil supervillains’ henchmen

10) Contract Killer whale- an orca is a paid assassin.

11) Ancient rituals applied to modern life- Example: To celebrate a grand opening, Wal-Mart sacrifices 10 virgins in public

12) “Sexy” pillow talk where the couple uses only technical terminology- “I will now enter your vagina and thrust repeatedly until climax has been achieved.”

13) Invention- The  CrackFlap, a cover for your butt crack, used by fat chicks and plumbers worldwide

14) Captain Ducttape- A superhero’s outfit consists of wrapping himself in duct tape, which takes forever, and the people he is going off to save, end up dying.

15) Devil’s 3 way- 2 guys agree to a 3 way with a chick and they both show up before she does and it’s very awkward for them.

16) Guys sees a gal on the street being attacked and rushes off to save herm kills her attacker in a fight. It turns out she was just acting in a scene that was being filmed and the guy freaks out and runs away

17) Hookers for Hobos- Hookers do homeless charity by sexing up their panhandling routines

18) Spambot Terminator- A spambot is sent back in time to…..sell you stupid shit and involve you in pyramid schemes.

19) Effeminate black guy comes out to his friends….as a black man

20) Mario on Trial- Mario is on trial for hundreds of counts of murder

21) Penis size Cert. of Authenticity- men can have their junk measures and certified to prove they are big.

22) Horror Expendables- Expendables, only with famous slashers

23) Star Wars: Episode Se7en- A parody combining Star Wars with the movie, Se7en

24) A Ghostbusters and/or Scooby Doo themed “reality show” mockumentary following the characters as they go on the job, like Ghost Hunters and shows like it.
25) California Powerball ad involving several different styles of the song California Dreamin’ being performed and spliced together in a montage for the State of California’s Powerball video contest
© Andy McGuire

Compulsive Writing Disorder/Please View My Other Page!

My Compulsive Writing Disorder is acting up so I need to write. (I haven’t taken my meds in days, hahahaha, screw you doctors!)
I am also going to plug my new site, andymcguire.hubpages.com. Here I will be writing actual articles, as opposed to random musings and nonsensical lunacy. I also have the potential to get paid for my awesomeness by whoring myself out to Google Ads. God bless capitalism!

Here’s where you come in. Go to my new site and read my articles. They are handsomely written and guaranteed to tickle your funny bone with the gentle touch of a seasoned lover. So far, I have written four articles, and three have been approved with high honors and the other one is still pending. So read them and click on the ads so I can get paid and afford to take a pretty girl out to a fancy place so she’ll think I am a super classy guy.

Now, I must issue warning: These articles are so amazing that they WILL get you pregnant just by reading them (men too!), so proper protection is highly recommended. Seriously, have you ever tried to wring child-support out of a digital online article? It can’t be done. They aren’t human.

Once you have read these masterful and comedic (yet informative) gems, please share them with your friends, family, complete strangers, and anyone else with internet access. In exchange for your pimping of my writing skillz, I shall continue writing more articles for you to enjoy and for me to bank off of. It’ll be a beautiful relationship between us and, if successful enough, I will buy you all ice cream!

AJ McGuire is looking to get paid to write and entertain the masses. Do the right thing and help him out at andymcguire.hubpages.com

Sloth of the Titan

I recently moved to southern California from the dreary dismal hell that is northwest Washington state, and I figured my energy levels would be through the roof, what with the sunny sunshine and all. This hasn’t been the case for the last week though as I have been what scientists call, “lazy as fuck.”

There is no real accounting for what is causing the laziness in the Titan known only as Andy, other than boredom. I feel I am the only one capable of being bored in SoCal. I blame the gas prices and limited amount of cash, but who knows just how much of that is actually responsible. A more likely reason would be that I am lazy and introverted. Actually, it’s probably all-of-the-above.

It is my hope that I will eventually fully transition from the morose and brooding nature of the average Washingtonian into the fun-loving energetic California stereotype. Maybe I will get fake boobs as well.

No, that’s just gross, me being a dude and all.

You might be asking, “What do you mean by average Washingtonian?” Good question hypothetical reader! See, Washington state boasts the highest depression and suicide rate in the nation, mostly due to consistently grey, cloudy and, oh dear God, rainy weather. It’s cold and wet and fuck you.

So I moved to Los Angeles for the awesome sun and the aforementioned (and gender correct) fake tits, as these things are clinically proven to boost anyone’s nature from “Life is a Shit Burrito” to “Life is a Delicious Shit Burrito, Hooray!” levels.

It’s true; ask your doctor or gynecologist.

Suffice to say, this new outlook has not happened yet, but rest assured it will soon. Maybe then I won’t be so unbelievably lazy.

AJ McGuire is sleeping now. Leave him alone.

UPDATE: 1/2/13 –  A new year is upon us and we all survived the Mayan apocalypse. So there I was, in my underground fallout shelter with that last Twinkies on the planet (R.I.P) and I thought I should update this blog entry to reflect my latest outlook on things. As predicted, I am no longer as lazy as I was back then. Mostly. I mean, I still take 5 hour naps twice a day, but now I do it with purpose.